what a load of not fun!

I’m pretty sure I have an ulcer. I assumed that ulcers were something only fat men who ate lots of rich, spicy foods and who bought and sold bits and pieces of companies got. Apparently (news to me), not so. I also assumed ulcers were formed by HIGH HIGH HIGH stress ALL the time (All the time with the stress!) – and by having a specific (bad) diet. I don’t consider myself to be a very high stress person, so you can imagine my surprise upon narrowing my symptoms down to such a … problem.

Of course, there was the wedding. And the travelling. And the getting stuck at the effing border (more later), and the missing parents (more later) and the almost not having a groom at the wedding (more later). Then, a few days of lollygagging around (yay! the honeymoon!) whilst eating lots of foods I would never normally eat (duck confit nachos, for one). See where I’m going?

And there was the trip back where the airport lines (effing terrorists) sucked, and the not sleeping well the night before we left Charlotte, and the missing my family A LOT, and the horrific four and half hour bus trip BACK from Seattle TO Vancouver (where we once again were pestered by Customs. (Side note: Canadian customs not only has NICER people, they have some good looking chicks working there. NOT THAT I’M SAYING ANYTHING BAD, CUSTOMS IF YOU’RE LOOKING). But not in an evil-burocrat kind of way. No, not the Canucks.). By the time we got home, I felt so bad I took two tylenol with a sip or two of juice and promptly vomited it up. (Another suprise: Tylenol dissolves quite quickly. Not so much with the fruit punch.)

I had been having slight fevers and sweats all day, and I could never EVER find a comfortable spot. I felt like all of my joints were being pulled apart at the same time, and I wanted to puke, but never could. I had this horrible gripey tummy that finally settled that evening into short bursts of intense pain between my breastbone and my navel. I stayed up almost that whole night because I thought I had indigestion, but no amount (and I do mean NO amount) of Tums could help the pain.

I kept getting up and trying to force myself to use the bathroom somehow, someway. I was ready to rip out my own guts through my bellybutton if it made it feel better. I got a bath sometime around three AM, thinking it would help me get to sleep. Finally at about 7 am, I slept for three hours – real sleep. (It never localized to my lower right stomach, or we would have gone to the hospital – I’ve never gotten my appendix taken out, would be sucky to have it do something naughty right after the wedding.) That was Tuesday. For the next six days, almost everything I ate gave me what I thought was acid reflux or something. Except for cashew butter and stoned wheat thins. I can eat those. I’m starting to feel better, with only mild pains in the same place every once in a while.

And then last night I had soup. Granted, it was ‘Fiesta Chicken Tortilla Soup’ from Safeway – so I can’t say as I shouldn’t have known. Apparently, tomato and/or spicy something or other I can’t eat right now. I was up almost all night with the same stomach pains and feeling of indigestion. Oh Tums. My friend, Tums.

So, most indications point to having an ulcer. Which isn’t very fun. But, eating boring foods might help me lose weight. And after all that rich food in the South – I could totally work with that!

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holy one month of no posting

I should (should) have kept up with the wedding planning extravaganza and details as they came up. I should have, but didn’t. That, however, leaves me with lots to write about and time to actually put some thought into my words. Expect the first post by Tuesday night (tomorrow is the first day back at work, will need to recoup).

In the meanwhile, visit the gallery for pictures, and check out my newest column at Intrepid Media starting tomorrow morning, bright and early!

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